The Meaning Behind Catch-22

As you read, you can listen to and reference the song Catch-22 right here:

www.soundcloud.com/drewwilliam

Intro
The concept for this song really came about no sooner than the day I received the track from my brother. Musically, the track was so addictive to me. Which isn't strange in itself, but it was in that it wasn't a happy or energetic addiction in any way. It wasn't bringing about positive feelings within me. Rather, to me, it embodied all of these painful emotions - melancholy, heartbreak, regret, etc. But despite feeling those emotions that we all work to avoid, I couldn't pull myself away from the song, which was a little puzzling to me. But I think what I ultimately realized was that the song also has this underlying aggression and fight in it. And because of it, I thought the song really talked to me in the way that it made me feel very human, yet also very inspired.

My brother and I have had conversations before about how when we're feeling down or a little depressed, we both like to really embrace those feelings. We aren't the type to act like something bad didn't happen or counter how we're feeling with forced happiness. We like to (pardon my lack of tact) get intoxicated and really drown ourselves in sorrow. One thing my father has always told me is that you can't appreciate the good days without experiencing the bad. And I've always really tried to understand that.

But that is precisely what this track made me do, it made me feel full of sorrow, but I wanted to run towards it, not away from it. And as I went through the writing process, I took the way I was feeling while listening to that and applied the idea to this concept of a "catch-22" in the sense of love, which occurs when you wrongfully or regretfully fall in love with someone. The gist of the meaning is that we've most all had someone who we were (or thought we were) in love with who left us in some way or at least failed to reciprocate the feelings that we felt towards them. The catch-22 is that we feel as if we can't live on without them in our lives, but then if we run back to them or they fall back into our lives, we realize that we can't survive with them in our lives either. And this could be for myriad reasons, depending on the situation. So it follows that we shouldn't be in love with that person because it's simply not meant to be.

But the concept applies not only to one particular person, but the concept of being in love in general. It's something that I can't do with and I can't do without, it seems. I love the freedom and independence that comes with being single most of the time, but I also have many moments when I long for something more. When I wrote this song, I kept thinking about this definition of love that's out there...how love is, in many ways, illogical or counter-intuitive, borderline insanity physiologically. When you're in love, you do things that don't make sense or they go against what your brain would suggest is the best decision. So I took those ideas within the frame of a past relationship. I then wove in applicable experiences with other women to represent how I feel and what I've learned as an individual to this point to tell this story, which I believe many of you can relate to.    

(Verse 1)

Sittin back in my living room

With a little ice and a lot of goose

But really all I wanted was a little you

So we begin with a scene that has me sitting alone at home reflecting on what happened and how it all went wrong with my relationship. Also, thinking about what could have been and what I did wrong. I think that's the natural thought when something like this doesn't work out - what did I do wrong? But whether it's this situation or another, it often has nothing to do with us. Other people have their own issues and there uncontrollable external factors in this world. Yet, we all have this compulsion to place the bulk of the blame on ourselves. It's no coincidence that I'm sitting alone, that's how this breakup has left me, both literally and figuratively. As, I alluded to in the intro, this is me embracing the pain, drowning my sorrows in pure alcohol, without dilution. I play on these opposites of "a little" and "a lot." The first time to convey that I'm extremely intoxicated while I'm thinking/writing, the second to be kind of ironic in that I can have all of the vodka and physical things that I want, but I can't even have a little piece of this woman. And those intangible things - love, affection, commitment - are what really are important and worthwhile.

I guess it was a little too much to ask

I took a chance, showed my hand

Damn, wish that I could have that back

3 years of my life, could I have those too?

Continuing on with the opposites, I say (sarcastically) that I guess asking for even a little piece of her love was too much. Taking a chance, or 'showing my hand', like in poker, is meant to communicate that I put myself out there to this woman, either told her I loved her, asked her to marry me, etc...some type of commitment. And she rejected that offering in some way. Our first instinct when that happens is to want to take it back. But if we really didn't mean it, we wouldn't have done it in the first place. So that instinct is merely from embarrassment and shame. Though we should never be ashamed or embarrassed of being honest. That's one thing I really try to work on as an individual. Accepting inevitable failures and learning from them. And I not only ask for the commitment back because I feel foolish and very hurt that this woman didn't reciprocate, but I also ask for the last 3 years of my life back (sarcastically) because my reaction, since things didn't work out, is to treat all of the time I put into the relationship as a waste.

And that's on top of all the shit I knew

And all those lies, they become the truth

And all denial, it becomes the proof

As if I didn't already have enough shit to prove

This is where it's revealed that I was wrongfully in love. I was forcing the commitment I offered. The truth starts to pour out. The fact that this woman rejected me was really just the start. You're then lead to believe that I've known that she was unfaithful or used me and I chose to overlook it. All the lies I heard from other people I didn't want to believe. But now I'm willing to acknowledge their validity. All the denial that I had in considering what was really going on ultimately became the proof to me for how I was wrongfully in love with this woman. And so I vent that on top of all of these things I have to prove to myself - professionally, academically, personally, to family and friends, and all of the other pressures that come with life, she made me prove that she wasn't who I thought she was. And all of these things convey how I was caught in a Catch-22. I knew deep down that all of these things were true, but it still took me this long to finally convince me that I didn't love her.

So this is farewell

All that ink on the page represents what my lips couldn't tell ya

Man, I feel like a failure

What I knew so well lookin far from familiar

This stanza is a sign of a breakthrough for me, which really sets the tone for this rest of the song. Acknowledging that this was all my fault, not because I treated her wrongly, but because I allowed myself to believe that I was in love with her when I wasn't. And the song is sort of my vow to never allow it to happen again. So I end things once and for all, in the form of a letter. I write to her because 1: I'm angry with her and have no interest in speaking with her in person, but also 2: Because I know that if I see her, there's a chance that I may fall for her again and back into the catch-22. And now that I've vowed to never let this happen again, I'm still trying to make sense of it. I feel like a failure for letting myself feel the way I did about her because I thought that I knew her so well. Now that she's shown her true colors, I question whether or not I'll ever be able to really trust someone in that setting again.

(Hook)

You built me up and you broke me down but I knew

And all those whispers were only fiction but I knew

Still I’m missin you, wish it wasn’t true. But I'll do what I gotta do

And I can’t go back, either way I lose. Cause your love is a Catch-22

The hook is really a representation of my internal thoughts. I feel like with all of the ways this woman built me up and made me better, she caused more harm in breaking me down in the end. And I say, "but I knew" because all of the evidence was there, I just wasn't willing to acknowledge it. Then, I describe the catch-22. It's a lose-lose situation. I don't know if I can be happy with her or without her.

(Verse 2)

And All around I’m surrounded by the reminders of

What it was that surrounded my soul

Feel my heart getting cold 

Now it’s only getting colder

This stanza is intended to convey how even though I'm no longer in love with her, all I see around me is reminders of what used to be. And those are the things that make me long for her. I really let her love engulf me in the way that I wouldn't allow myself to see all of the bad things. And because of this heartbreak and the way I'm questioning myself, constantly surrounded by reminders of the pain, I feel less and less open to trusting anyone again.

But hold up, I gotta get control of it

All these notes and the potion 

Got me feelin so open when 

The only thing I really needed was closure I’m over it

So I stop myself and have a moment of clarity in which I realize that I can't let this experience cause me to become a cold person. It's just that a mixture of the musical notes in the song and the alcohol (potion) have me feeling so vulnerable and exposed to pain. Those are the reasons why I feel my heart continuing to get colder and colder. Which is the opposite of open, in another sense, and how I need closure to the relationship. Not to revisit it. But I declare through brute force that I'm over it.

I was wrong from the start, disregarded it all

Cause the brain can’t tell you what the heart can

And the world can’t tell you what the stars can

That’s how it goes when you think you got a starlet

I acknowledge that I was wrong in the way I felt from the very beginning. Signs were abound. But I couldn't understand it because I was thinking with my brain instead of relying on instinct and making decisions with my heart. Meaning, this was a beautiful girl, she was smart, had a good career, all characteristics of a person that you would fall in love with. That's what my mind told me. But had I really listened to my heart, I would've seen how wrong her actions were in the way she treated me and I wouldn't have been in love with her. Relatedly, you can't let the facts, rules, opinions of people in your environment dictate how you feel or what the right answer is for you. For much the same reason, I loved this woman because people around me liked her and told me she was perfect. But those people can't tell you how you should feel about someone, you have to rely on your intuition and emotions. The answers to our destinies I think are all with a higher power somewhere, not with the people around us. But when you think you have a starlet, or an attractive actress who looks like she has it all on the outside, it's easy to get caught up in her and difficult to follow your heart and the stars. 

But you’re an actress with a lot of practice

At the art of deception

Then you jumped when the dream fell down like Inception

I’m left with a mess and handful of questions

In reality, despite how she appears on the outside, a starlet is just an actress at the end of the day. That's her profession, but I mean it in the way that she lied and was deceptive. She's had a lot of practice in the way that she's manipulated others to get to where she is. And a lot of actresses do this in real life, so it's fitting. I see that now. She led me to believe that she believed in the dreams we shared. However, at the first sign of things going awry, she "jumped," or left me. I use the metaphor from the movie "Inception" here. Specifically, when Marion Cotillard, who plays Mal or the wife of Leonardo DiCaprio in the movie, jumps to her death from the ledge of a building. This line has many layers, however. I use 'the dream falls down' figuratively in the one sense, but also relate it to the way in which dreams in the movie crumble and fall down, literally, once the dreamer realizes it isn't real. So that, from the perspective of the woman who's the subject of the song, is the reason that she jumped. Because she didn't believe in us. From my perspective, however, I see who I thought she was to be the dream, projecting her into being someone who she wasn't. Because the woman I loved wouldn't have failed to believe in us ever. And she caused both her death and the death of our relationship because she didn't believe and trust in me. Finally, in the last line, you sense this defeat in what I say. She's the one who jumped, she's the one who left me, yet I'm the one who is suffering. I'm left with this mess and all of these questions pertaining to why would she do this and what did I do wrong? Much like what Cobb (DiCaprio) is left with in the movie. I found his situation to be a perfect example of what catch-22 meant to me. And he ultimately realizes at the end that he must leave her and rid himself of her memory, much like I realize that I have to.

(Hook)

You built me up and you broke me down but I knew

And all those whispers were only fiction but I knew

Still I’m missin you, wish it wasn’t true. But I'll do what I gotta do

And I can’t go back, either way I lose. Cause your love is a Catch-22

(Verse 3)

I’m exhausted, cause my thoughts of the past got baggage

More than average

So I put em on my back and I carry em on

But that weight is a little too strong for one man

The final verse examines the way I'm feeling through a metaphor using airports and traveling. The reason for this is that I've always been intrigued by airports because of how I feel when I'm in them and what they represent. Last year, I traveled to 5 countries and was in something like 9 time zones. It seemed that every other weekend I was flying somewhere. When I would be waiting for flights, all I could think about was how lonely it felt to be in this place waiting for a flight by myself. I would look around me and see people saying goodbye to family and friends, people looking lost or stressed rushing to flights. So I try to convey how I'm feeling about what this woman has done to me in that context. And how I feel is just so drained and exhausted mentally from even thinking about these questions I have and what I could have done differently. I believe that's how you get over those types of situations sometimes. You just have to reach a threshold by which it's just so straining mentally that you have no choice as a human to just block it out and forget about it. So I say I'm exhausted from that extra mental weight I've been carrying around from my past (baggage). It's more than average, not simply because I've experience heartbreak...everyone has, but because of me being inside of my own head and creating all of this extra weight that I've put on myself. So, I'm carrying both the weight from what she did to me and the weight I've put on myself onto the plane without checking any of the bags because I'm determined to fight through the pain. But, acknowledging that I'm carrying weight for two, I start to doubt whether I can continue on like this.

Now I’m so far from home

I used to never travel alone

But when the times got tough, and the bags got packed

You left me with the weight of the world


So, you're to presume that I'm now far from home by myself at an unknown airport. An unsettling feeling for certain. It's also meant to convey both that my relationship was home and now I'm far from it now that it's over. In another sense, its meant to convey that I'm in unfamiliar territory feeling like this and I don't feel like myself. Which is often how you feel after a breakup - unfamiliar and uncomfortable with yourself. Always questioning your actions. The reason I feel strange traveling now is I used to always travel with this woman, meaning, we would do everything together. But I feel a great sense of abandonment in the way I felt that she left at the first sign of trouble, not making the effort to work things out. And that abandonment has left me with not only her weight (packed bags), but also mine and the rest of what comes with experiencing a breakup (the weight of the world, all-inclusively).

Now I’m waitin at the same gate waitin for her

All departures, no arrivals

No taxis, no drivers. 

You hi-jacked my love, no survivors


This first line is intended to mean a couple of things. One, that I'm waiting at the same gate that I met her at - figuratively. Meaning, I feel like I'm back to square one and wasted all of that time and effort in the relationship. Second, that I'm waiting for the girl I once knew. The girl that I fell in love with at the beginning. So, I refer to the woman as "her" instead of "you." This is also me beginning to not acknowledge her presence. Now, to signify the way I feel abandoned, I say there are only outgoing flights. No taxis and no private drivers waiting for me to take me from the airport. You can imagine how that would feel. No way to get home or back to the way things used to be. Also, there are no arrivals, meaning she won't be coming back. The fact that there are only departures also is a sign that it's time for me to move on to a new place in my life. The last line leading into the last stanza of the song begins to communicate the fight and aggression I feel in leaving this all behind and onto something better. One, because it's what I'm supposed to and what I know I need to do. Two, because I have to. I have no choice because it's all become too much to handle on my own. In this aggression, I assign blame to her using the metaphor. She hijacked my love so there was nothing that I could do about it. And ultimately, the way she made me fall in love with her caused me to feel alone and like I couldn't survive when the relationship didn't work out.

So I’m droppin all your things, gettin on a plane

And leavin all the pain behind

That’s how you left and it didn’t seem right

But I’m a south paw I’m down for the fight

I then, defiantly, say that I'm forgetting about all of the pain she left me with. I won't carry it anymore. Even after the breakup, she had some sort of hold on me, but this is me finally leaving everything behind. So much so, that I'm actually getting on a plane to move to a new place with new opportunity, forgetting about the past. And what follows is, ironically, that's exactly how she left me in a sense - completely and unexpectedly. Much like I'm leaving my old feelings behind. This has a sentiment of karma to it. I'm a strong believer in it and the way she left me didn't seem right, or moral. It felt like she shouldn't have been allowed by the powers that be to leave like a coward and hurt me as she did. So I justify my up-and-leaving in the way that she left me. I play off of "right" in the moral sense, and flip it to "right" in the directional sense. So she hurt me right-handed, but unexpectedly, I'm left-handed (a south paw). So what goes around comes around. And with that, I'm willing to spar with her figuratively in exchanging blows because I believe leaving, in the end, is what's right for me.

(Hook 2X)

You built me up and you broke me down but I knew

And all those whispers were only fiction but I knew

Still I’m missin you, wish it wasn’t true. But I'll do what I gotta do

And I can’t go back, either way I lose. Cause your love is a Catch-22

The Real Sin City

As you read, you can listen to and reference the song Sin City right here:

www.soundcloud.com/drewwilliam

Though I'm sure that most of you are aware, the track I used for this song was originally used by Tyga  in his song Rack City. I remember hearing the song for the first time on a hip-hop site before it ever got much shine. The track is just so aggressive, raw, and, ignorant. The other thing that I really dug about it is the simplicity. The chord progression is so limited, though you really don't ever get tired of hearing the song. The most catchy and successful songs on radio tend to have that makeup, so it's of no surprise that Rack City has begun to get some major airplay on urban radio. 

I didn't much consider using it the first few times I heard it, but as it picked up momentum and began to garner a unique following, I found it to be inspiring. This song was very much a song of the moment to me and came about spontaneously. It fit the profile that I usually look for in a mixtape song...it's popular enough for a large audience to know what it is and what it represents, yet, it leaves something to be desired to me. I'm a fan of Tyga's and have enjoyed what he's done as an artist thus far, but let's be honest, his lyrics are pretty basic on the song. Therefore, I really wanted to exploit the potential of what I thought the song could be. 

The other aspect of my choosing it was that I saw something different when I heard the song than what Tyga did. I can't speak too much to the concept of Rack City and exactly what Tyga's trying to convey in the song, but the song embodied my experiences in Las Vegas, so I saw that as an opportunity to connect it to the original version, but also be very genuine in creating a unique rendition of my own. The track kind of bleeds austerity, sin, and seduction, much like Vegas. So, I took the Rack City concept and molded it into Sin City. Once I did, I decided that I really wanted to talk about what I enjoy about Vegas and project an aura of arrogance to make the song very hip-hop and showcase my range. At the same time, Vegas is, in a lot of ways, a microcosm of exactly what's wrong with our society and is composed of many examples of issues that we all deal with daily in our lives. So, I hope that you see this sort of skepticism and sarcasm that's kind of underlying the song when I talk about these things. There are little messages in the lines that are intended to let you know my thought process in light of some of these circumstances that we're all subjected to, whether it be in Vegas or every town, U.S.A.

I’m out in Vegas, bitch. Lightin up the strip

Probably at the Wynn, yeah that’s so fittin

Get it? Nowadays all I do is win

And hated on by losin men, not you again

This opening stanza is meant to kind of set the scene for not only where I'm at, but what my attitude is. I talk about the Wynn because it's my favorite casino in Vegas. So, I draw the conclusion that I'm drawn to the Wynn because I'm a winner. So I see it as being kind of inherent in who I am. Conversely, however, it's meant to be a little bit skeptical like the song in general in that I'm acknowledging that maybe I love the Wynn because they've intended to capture me through the name. The brand associations obviously are that you're a winner if you play and stay there, which gives us many positive feelings. So, I'm kind of also aware of the possibility that I've been manipulated into liking the place through marketing tactics, and that's representative of Vegas itself and the experience, so it sets the stage for my grasping of what I'm subjected to when I'm enjoying myself there. There's intended to be sarcasm in the fact that I have to lay out for you exactly what I'm saying because you're inferior to me. So I then take the final line to the opposite of winning, losing, to say that many of the listeners that I have to lay this stuff out for and I see as inferior are the same ones who have hate for me and are kind of just the pests that I can't rid myself of i.e. "Not you again..."

We do it big, shout out to Club XS

Couple drinks by the pool, I needed bed rest

Sin City cause heaven is too hectic

I simplify it to fire women, cabanas

To further describe the scene, I say that I'm not only at the Wynn, but at Club XS, which is a club within the Wynn. Of no coincidence, it also happens to be one of my very favorite clubs in the world. One of the features it has is an outdoor element in which there's a pool surrounded by elegant beds and cabanas that serves as a place to party aside from the dance floor. That's one of the things I love most about XS, so I say the reason for my trip is that I needed bed rest, facetiously. We all get away to rest on vacation, but the line's intended to be humorous in that I'm actually partying and is an example of the cliche Vegas advertisements in which lies and dumb excuses are made up as reasons to go to Vegas, along with not disclosing what someone does while they're there. On the flip side, I say, in a sense, that I went to hell to get away from heaven. The day-to-day grind of our normal lives often gets to be too much. Which is a big reason why people need to get away and go to Vegas. Which is crazy when you think about it. In order to get away from your loved ones and a job that provides you with income, we're all willing to dish out big money to go to someplace that we know is sinful and entails a lot of the things we know we should be doing. So, it's kind of ironic that I say I'm simplifying my life by going to Vegas because it actually represents a lot of unnecessary complexity in the flash, extravagances, and potential trouble that you can get into being there. But I'm a human just like everyone else, and Vegas, somehow, represents a simplification of things to me. All I need is beautiful women and surroundings to really be happy. It's not how I really feel. However, when you're there, you really do feel that way. That's part of Vegas' charm. I'll really drive home the comparison to Hell later on.

And I'm crimson tied up with southern girls from Alabama

Complimentin my fitted suit from Beijing

I flew my Harvard girls out from Cambridge

Cause educated women the ones who speak my language

To further clarify the picture, I'm outside by the pool, cabanas, beds at the club with beautiful women and we're all dressed to the nines. I say I have a crimson tie on with southern girls from Alabama as a play on the fact that the University of Alabama is also known as the "Crimson Tide." I say the tie is complimenting my suit from Beijing because I actually met the woman who produces and tailors my suits on a trip to China. So saying that I have my fitted suit from Beijing on is meant to show you that I'm well traveled and connected, enjoy things from abroad, and also serve as a unique location in the theme of this stanza. I go on to communicate that even though I'm in this beautiful place surrounded by beautiful women, it's not enough as I have to have stimulating conversation as well because I'm a complex person with many interests. So I have to have multiple intelligent perspectives and I'm willing to put down the money to fly girls who have both brains and beauty out from Cambridge, MA (where Harvard University is located) just to fulfill my desires in having beautiful women who can "speak my language."

I like scholars who possess a high tolerance

College chicks and colleges I love em cause they compose my audience

We’re partyin

Psychological naugtiness, Freudian

I provide further reasoning for the type of girls I'm with and like to have around me. Scholars who can speak my language but also have a "high tolerance" for alcohol. A big reason why I enjoy hanging with these college chicks is because they're a rare breed that typically is both intelligent and can party as well. So, I love em for that reason but also because they tend to makeup the majority of my fans. I don't make music for any particular group, but college women and college students in general tend to relate extremely well to it. That's not surprising considering the fact that I once was, am, and always will be a student at heart and share similar interests with that demographic. Plus, I've made several songs specifically for women, in general. Being that the girls who are partying with me are exceptionally intelligent and well-versed in their studies, I compare the way we're partying to the ever-famous psychologist Sigmund Freud. The song and the scene that I've conveyed give you this feeling of manipulation and seduction. So, these girls speak my language and can not only talk about Freud and his beliefs with me because they're educated, but they also understand his concepts and can kind of psychologically spar with me and read my mind in a playful way. Women who have that additional layer of intellect to communicate without speaking have always captivated me. Which is why I would do almost anything i.e. fly them out from Massachusetts, to be around them.

The songwriter got punchlines like Pacquiao

I drop my quota a couple thou to knock ya out

With both hands, got twin sais like Raphael

A ninja turtle, they sellin out, I’m underground

I say "the songwriter" because I pride myself on being just that, distinct from the great majority of rappers who just write non-related lines and call it a song. So, it's unexpected, but the songwriter who you would least expect to be potent with the punchlines is now flaunting them in this song. Punchlines taken literally conveys my lines' potency, comparing it to who I see to be the fastest and most unassuming, silent assassin in boxing right now, Manny Pacquiao. I, hypothetically, "drop my quota" a couple of thousand dollars just to knock the competition out or to prove that I can do it. As I've stated in some of my other songs, I'm not in this for the money, so I would forego what I'm owed for a verse just to come at you for the sport of it. In showing the range I have to make a song like this in contrast to a lot of what's on my album, I draw the similarities to being ambidextrous in boxing. I can K.O. you in many ways, whether that's being a better songwriter or writer of punchlines, I use both hands (or the full repertoire). Just like Raphael, the Ninja Turtle, uses his sais to jab the enemy. I also intend to drive an element of disregard with the visual of two sais, with the middle dagger longer than the left and right, being similar to both middle fingers in the air. Playing on the Raphael comparison, I say the rest are selling out and I'm underground. The Ninja Turtles literally live underground, so figuratively, I'm underground because my music is non-commercial and very real and genuine.

I wear it proud from unentitled to title holder

My colleagues are CEOs and future owners

Up in the mornin for meetings over mimosas

Rollin over to women like Alesandra Ambrosio

Continuing on from the last stanza, I wear the fact that I'm underground and real very proudly. Despite what my record sales are or will ever be, I'm proud of myself from being unentitled and someone who didn't even deserve to have anyone's attention starting out, to now feeling as if I own the title as being one of the most honest and thought-provoking urban songwriters out. And that title is something that you believe in yourself, so nobody can take it away from you. The titleholder reference is also meant to play on the boxing content from the stanza previous. In showing my versatility in being a business student along with an artist, I say my colleagues are CEOs and future owners. Several of my colleagues are, in actuality, CEOs or will be soon. I feel very privileged to be around people like that. At the same time, I feel like the sky is the limit for me and my colleagues in that we can be the future owners of significant property, sports franchises, etc. once we reach the peaks we're aiming for. To communicate that I'm still a businessman in addition to an artist, I still wake up after a night of partying for meetings over mimosas. That's intended to convey not only my multi-faceted personality, but also my drive to enjoy life and be successful. The last line plays on rolling over in bed in the morning to women who look just like model Alessandra Ambrosio. Successful in each phase of my life is the takeaway.

My heart stay cold, Lights stay strobe

Literally flashes of greatness behold

Imported  palms, countless mirages

Arias, Belagios I let it ride

Despite waking up next to beautiful women, my heart is still cold in that my intentions are strictly in the business sense. Whether that's being up in the morning for a meeting or just getting what I want out of hanging with beautiful women. Now, before you attempt to exploit that flaw in my personality, it's meant to be assessed in light of the fact that I'm in Vegas. This now broaches a theme apparent in the rest of the song in that I enjoy myself in the face of all of this fakeness and these allusions, things I shouldn't enjoy. Things we all shouldn't enjoy. But I do so because I understand the system. I exploit Vegas for what I want to get out of it. And it does the same to me. So I won't allow my heart to warm to a woman in Vegas because I know she's not trustworthy and she most likely is cold-hearted herself. I say the "lights stay strobe" because strobe lights are so prevalent in Vegas and its by design, I've always found them to be so manipulating. They make everything appear cooler, more sexual, and better overall, yet, they're really a manipulation of the senses and prevent you from getting an honest understanding of your surroundings. So there's literally "flashes of greatness" whether it's taken to mean that you can see me in flashes or you can see the beautiful women/surroundings just for a fleeting moment that you perceive to be greatness. Either way, much of what you see, as in all of Vegas, is an illusion. That's a prevalent theme here. To that point, the paradise and palm trees that you see are imported into the strip to make it more appealing and glamorous. The line also alludes to the Palms hotel/casino in Vegas. "Countless mirages" to mislead and manipulate is what these examples are. Not coincidentally, this also can refer to The Mirage hotel/casino. I go on to finish by saying that, despite my knowledge of these mirages, I still "let it ride." That's a play on the gambling notion that you keep playing and go for it.

Numbers don’t lie, countin money like blessings

But sins pay the pentance, that pole is a sentence

Club stay packed, not a soul in a attendance

That desert and that heat breed the Devil’s decendents

And the reason that we let it ride and continue to indulge ourselves in these sins is that numbers don't lie when it comes to money. Our society, in so many situations, cares only about who has the most money. It's though of as the most objective way to measure someone's success, many times. I feel like that's a huge reason why people go to Vegas, to be seen betting a lot of money. No matter where you're from, you can be somebody else in Vegas if you spend enough. You can create an illusion of who you are in light of the illusions that surround you. And so, what's really fucked up is that so many people count this money in Vegas and money anywhere in the world about how they would count blessings. They pray and thank the Lord for the money that they have. Almost as if a dollar bill is as valuable as a blessing. That line is pure skepticism on my part in really driving home a point in what's right and wrong. Because I think it's wrong, I have to find a way to justify and make sense of it. My way of doing that is believing, in a way, that you must give up a portion of your soul to be rich. So, I say "sins pay the pentance." And an example of this is the strip clubs in Vegas. When I see strippers subject themselves to what they do, I have no other way to cope than to believe that they've sinned in the past and, therefore, the stripper pole, metaphorically, is their sentence to pay the pentance for what they've done in the past. That's also how I justify my continuing to go there. Then, looking around me, I see the strip club is packed, but it's full of all of these rich individuals subjecting these women to horrible treatment. I see them as soulless. People all around me in the physical form, but I feel like the only one in the club who actually has a soul and conscience to feel bad for what's happening. Yet, I'm imperfect, and continue to go to strip clubs, making me question if I'm like these people. Whether or not I've lost my way and see myself differently only because it's me that I'm assessing. In drawing parallels to Vegas and how it has many things that seem sinful and hellish, I compare the irony of the fact that Vegas is this dry, hot, sinful place in the middle of the dessert and how maybe that plays a role in attracting and breeding the "devil's descendents" or the sinful behavior that occurs there. Because it actually contains a lot of the elements that we would traditionally consider hell to have.

You’re the worst, yeah you’re the baddest

What you thinkin? I can imagine

European fashion, face outta Maxim

Tell me what you drinkin and I got it til the last one

Even with the understanding I have, and the issues that arose in my head in the last stanza, I still acknowledge my imperfection in a dialogue with a woman I met at the strip club, whether it be a dancer or a fellow patron. It's intended to follow that this is one of the devil's descendents I'm speaking with in that she has bad intentions and is, presumably, disguised as a beautiful temptation (i.e. devil in a dress). The 4 lines are me, in a way, kicking game to her. But I'm doing so knowing that she's not a good person and simply exploiting Vegas like it exploits me, as I alluded to earlier. So, when I say "What you thinkin? I can imagine," it sounds like I'm trying to infer that I think she's really feeling me and wants sex, but in actuality, I understand the system and how it works so I'm actually imagining that she's thinking that I'm some gullible businessman with a lot of money that she can take advantage of. Still, I complement her and play the game because I find beautiful women who understand the nuances of fashion to be irresistible. So, I take part in the cliche process of buying all of her drinks and giving her money because I'm willing to pay for the attention, knowing that she's insincere and only out to take my money.

That’s how I run it like the rebels did

The James Dean of all of this fuckin rebel shit

And I don’t really give a fuck like I’m a celibate

My attitude I take it to my last words predicate

Therefore, that's how I run game, figuratively, just like UNLV and the Runnin Rebels basketball teams of the 90s did literally in dominating the competition. This run-and-gun style fit the brand because it was careless and fearless, based on instinct. Much like Vegas is. And much like the original rebel, James Dean was. I draw comparisons to myself because he's known as being the definition of cool and that rebellious attitude really fits how you feel when you're in Vegas. James Dean is also from my home state of Indiana, so I heard plenty lore of him growing up and related to him in a lot of aspirational ways. That rebellious attitude is really not giving a fuck. So I say I don't give a fuck "like I'm celibate." Which is ironic in that the song and Vegas are both very sexual and promiscuous. Finally, I say that attitude isn't just a phase, but that I'll carry it with me for the rest of my life. To "my last words". Taken another way, the last words of a sentence are the predicate.

David Blaine I’m grounded but now I’m levitatin

The view is better from penthouses and elevators

So the top is where we take it like Doug

And now I’m on that roofie, no hangover that game’s over

In this last stanza, I make an attempt to tie up the sentiment of the song. As you probably know, the magician David Blaine, who performs/has done tricks in Vegas, is known for his trick in which he levitates from the ground. In contrast, I say that I'm grounded, as you've seen in my questioning of what I see that I consider to be right or wrong and my understanding of the mirages that I subject myself too. But "now I'm levitatin," which not only means that I'm figuratively getting high from the indulgences of Vegas, but also that I'm getting better and better as an artist. And, as you continue to rise, you get a taste for the good life and the luxuries that accompany it. So, I say the view is better because I enjoy what's coming with increasing success and recognition. The metaphor follows that you take the elevator to the penthouse level, just as you would when you rise in status as a musician. So, in becoming more successful, my team feels like we have to take it to the top, figuratively, just as Doug, the character in The Hangover, is taken to the top of Caesar's Palace, literally. To convey that I've now risen and am on the top of my game and the competition as a result of this song, I say that "I'm on that roofie" as in, the roof of the hotel. Also meant as a reference to The Hangover in which Allan accidentally gives the rest of the cast mates roofies, which leads to the debauchery.

In conclusion...

I hope that you enjoy the wordplay and ignorance of the song. It really is, in a huge way, about speaking to how fun and exciting it is to take part in Vegas and how we all wish that we could be the person that we are when we're there, all of the time. To that point, I think it's very healthy to have that escape and, almost, an alter ego. It's good to strive for things and dream. At the same time, I hope that you don't simply take the content I've included in the song at face value. It's very much so about my perspective as a human and this battle we all have between temptation and doing what's right. I saw this song as an opportunity to not only do something very different for myself as an artist, but to give a unique twist to an exceptional instrumental in order to tell an interconnected story that represents experiences I can relate to more than Rack City.

Here's to my listeners!