The Dissection: Fading Dreams

Before I delve into the song's analysis, I have to tell you about how this song came about, because it's quite unlikely. Four or so years ago, my brother was visiting a few of his friends in Indianapolis. The result of a drunken night was a jam session among them. That jam session produced the basis of what became Fading Dreams. The first thing my brother did when he returned to Bloomington was produce an electronic version of the idea. He then developed it further, finished the production, and proceeded to do nothing with it. It came to my attention on a mix of various songs that I had borrowed from him. I knew I loved it, but I didn't quite know what to do with it. I told him that he had to let me use it. Our sound was so different back then that I don't think either of us knew if the end product with my vocals draped over it had the potential to be any good. It was intended to be more of an electronic song with no vocals. Approximately four years passed and I was putting the final touches on the album. I rediscovered the beat and fell in love with it once again. After maturing for four years as an artist, I finally knew exactly what to do with it. In that way, the song embodied the process of making the album for me. I designated it as the lead song for the album before I wrote it.

In a lot of ways, I believe this song to be the most important of my career thus far. I approached the writing of it as if it were a first impression, which I absolutely believe it to be. Many people heard my music before I released the album, which I can't, nor do I desire, to control. However, the album was the first opportunity that I had to compile and connect the pieces of who I am as an artist, rather than just writing individual songs that each show different, but limited, sides of who I am. Therefore, I knew that this song had to define me in many ways. And if anyone were to ever ask me about sampling my music, I would direct them to this song first. In light of that approach, I would speculate that, word for word, more thought was put into this song than any other.

The song is really my attempt to, in less than 2 minutes, communicate not only what the album is about, but what I'm about as an artist. Further, it's intended to serve as a sign of what to expect from us sonically for what lies ahead. "Barometer" is intended to have a dual meaning. I'll go ahead and cite the two brief definitions. 1. Something that reflects changes in circumstances or opinions. 2.  An instrument measuring atmospheric pressure. In one sense, Barometer is intended to mean that this album is just a preview of things to come. We've never claimed to be untouchable and on top of the music world. However, we hope that when you listen to the album that you see the potential in us. We truly focus on continuously improving and remaining progressive in our approach. That comes with taking chances, experimenting, and even, failing. As much as we like the work we've done thus far, we believe our work has a lot of room to grow into something that hasn't been heard before. And we think in those terms. So our album is a reflection of the changes that will come in the form of the music world's opinion of us and the heights that we plan, but have yet, to reach. In the second sense, Barometer is intended to mean that the album is a display of the pressure we're capable of applying to our competition and the industry. There are flashes of greatness sprinkled throughout the album, and though we focused on creating a diverse body of work first and foremost, when you get down to the basics of what we do in creating, the song "Barometer" and the project as a whole hopefully makes listeners realize that we can be a real problem to the competition and creatively conquer whatever we set our mind to.

We want to be honest. We want to be truly original and progressive. And this whole thing isn't about making money or attaining fame, it's about putting ourselves out there and taking a chance. Creating music is accompanied by increased vulnerability. At least for the artist. Everything that I do in music, whether it be recording my thoughts in a song or performing in front of an audience is me exposing myself to potential criticism. Others may not agree with my thoughts or may simply not think that what I create is good. A lot of people don't appreciate what it takes to subject yourself to that vulnerability. I don't have to do this. In fact, that would be the easy way out. I just know that I stand to gain more as a person by doing what I like, pursuing what I believe in, and growing tolerant of criticism and differences in opinion. That's the undeniable overlap between life and music.

With that said, Fading Dreams is a reflection of my perspective on our music and the album. The song really stems from a counter-intuitive truth that I see each and every day. That truth is that the more successful you become, the more you must learn to cope with rejection. It's difficult to make sense of that reality when you sit down and think about it. But I see this first-hand - academically, professionally, and musically. During my undergraduate studies, I was named the top student in my program. I had a better job than most all of my peers. I then utilized that success to gain acceptance into a top MBA program. Now that I'm there, however, I deal with more rejection than I ever have before. I can't even get interviews with some companies I apply with. I receive criticism on my academic papers that I'm not accustomed to. The same is true about music. When only a few of your friends have heard your music and like it, it's great. Then you start to show it to more people and more opinions breed more criticism and negativity. Having those experiences in the last few years and learning from them is really the inspiration for this song. We're encouraged to pursue our dreams, but the more we pursue them, the more rejection we have to deal with along the way. So that's why it's called Fading Dreams, because I have these dreams that I'm pursuing, but they're constantly fading and seeming less-likely because of the criticism I'm now dealing with. And that criticism is a result of my success, which is what makes the thought crazy. The song is about me learning how to maintain self-belief and fight through those criticisims, using them to propel me to success on a level I've never been to before.

And that thought leads us into Barometer's opening lines...  

[If my success is their failure...there's no greater motivator

They try to deter what you do, but true love and value are entirely intrinsic

So to myself, I'm not just terrific. I'm prolific.

I feel that your success as an artist is, in a lot of ways, dependent on your ability to believe in yourself in light of circumstances that appear to be insurmountable. Even as an artist who hasn't gotten a lot of recognition in the grand scheme of things as of yet, I just feel as if there are so many detractors out there. All artists use that as motivation in some form or fashion. I'm no different. Here, I'm saying that the motivation to make those detractors fail as a result of my success is adequate in itself. Though I have other motivations, those individuals are enough. From which you can infer by how much my motivation exceeds what is typical. Being subjected to negativity is so difficult when you're in a position of vulnerability, but I do my best to remind myself that anything pure - love and how you value yourself, is under my control and nobody else's. I can choose to let negativity affect me, or I don't have to. That's the reason that I know these detractors' fake love isn't true, and it's also the reason that enables me to understand the love around me that is true. When you break it down, it's the self-belief in whatever it is you do that enables you to see your true value and potential. Which, in turn, enables you to succeed. This music endeavor for me is the perfect example. So I say, even for those that like my music and think that it's good or 'terrific', I believe in myself that much more, enough to believe that I'm prolific. And that's all that matters. Because you have more of an understanding about yourself and what you're capable of than anyone else ever will. So why would you ever listen to anybody's opinion of you? It's, by definition, illogical to take the advice of someone who has less knowledge of a subject over that of someone who has more knowledge of a subject.  

Don't say I never painted the picture for you.

Honest and vivid as can be.

So fuck it, I got it like...]

And so I say 'Don't say I never painted the picture for you' because this song and all of the other songs that include mental paintings and visuals that I've intended to create for my audience represent my vision. All you have to do is listen to my songs to know what I'm about and where I'm going. I kind of think of it in the sense of those corny adventure movies where the hero spends the entire movie looking at what becomes the map to a treasure. But they think it's just a picture the entire time because they don't know how to interpret it. I feel that way about my music. The evidence is there. What I've created is now here forever. You will always be able to go back and listen to it. But it's up to you to interpret it and extrapolate out to what it could become. So don't say that you missed it when I was nobody because I've been as 'honest and vivid as can be'. My songs are intended to tell ideas and stories. The facts lie within the songs. I've put all of this effort and thought into communicating my story as honestly as I can, and in a way that you can see and interpret. This album is, in a way, the last stop on our way to the bigger and better things that I believe we're destined for. If you've yet to grasp our potential and see our vision, you most likely never will. So this is me saying 'Fuck, it' I gave it my all to try and make you see what I saw. But you can't make people see these intangibles. They have to have something innate that allows them to perceive and understand on their own. And so I begin with one more piece of evidence: The evidence contained in the content of this lead song. And I go in... 'I got it like...'

Underrated's an understatement

Underground shit, I record from the basement

Game need a face lift, I’m operatin

Doctor, doctor but I got no patience

With this song being about self-belief, I start off with 'Underrated's an understatement'. Meaning, a lot of people tell me I'm underrated. That my music competes on the level of songs they hear on the radio and artists they see signed to labels. My response to that is that underrated isn't even the proper word. That's an understatement for where my music is in comparison to other artist's. It's really meant to be almost an over-exaggeration to prove the level of belief I have in what I'm capable of that underrated doesn't even do it justice. Relatedly, one of the principal reasons that I don't have the recognition of other artists is because I choose not to. I enjoy maintaining my status as being underground and independent because it allows me to be more honest and creatively free. And that will always be what drives me, even if I one day am paid to do what I do. Further, 'I record from the basement' is to be taken both in the literal and figurative sense. A basement is actually underground, but I also started out by recording in my basement. I mean that I'm still that guy. We still are just doing it for the love of doing it. Nothing else. The, 'Game need a face lift...' is me saying that the industry is far too commercial right now. So as the underground guy who's still honest to himself and his music, I'm here to alter the industry with this album. It's no coincidence that undergoing a face lift is purely superficial, just like the industry. So 'I'm operatin' on the industry with the precision and effectiveness of a 'Doctor, doctor'. But I'm doing it right now because it's an emergency in a sense. In the way that people will begin to become disinterested in music if it continues to be so commercialized. Therefore, 'I got no patience' is both conveying that I'm impatient and doing it now, and I'm not actually a doctor, so I have no patients.

I’m talkin right now, turn the lights down

I’m in a good zone, haters pipe down

Already told you, it’s my time now

I say 'turn the lights down' cause I'm ready to go to work. In myriad scenarios, I work better without the distraction of light. I always record in the dark when I'm in the studio. It helps me to focus as you're forced to rely on the sense that you actually need to be using - hearing, not sight. 'I'm in a good zone' refers to the songwriting process when you fall into such a groove that it's not even like you're creating any more, it's more like the song has already been written somewhere in your head and you're just being perceptive enough to let the words fall on the canvas. The track and the time period for me as an artist had me locked in, knowing exactly what to say on the song. So I say, 'haters pipe down' cause I don't want them to fuck up my zone. People who don't want you to succeed often try to divert your attention, much like a basketball player at the free throw line. 'Already told you, it's my time now' is intended to mean that I've already notified the haters in previous songs that there's nothing they can do to stop me or fuck up my focus. What lies ahead is destiny. One of those songs being track 11, entitled 'It's My Time'.

Always wanted to write a song sayin I got it all

But I done promised only the truth

Step up in the booth, not a Superman suit

No Clark Kent, behind the fog tint is just Drew

I've never written a song where I talk about having it all. Though so much of what's out there in hip-hop is, essentially, about exactly that. I just can't bring myself to do it because it wouldn't be honest. So I say that I've always wanted to write those types of songs, because that's the easy way out. It gets down to a fundamental point. It's easier to fabricate than tell the truth. That's, often times, the reason why we lie - it's just easier. It's such a counter-intuitive point as well because you have to create a lie, but the truth requires no effort in the most pure sense. I promised to always be honest in my songs, however. I'll open myself up to the vulnerability that accompanies the truth because it's the right thing to do. 'Step up in the booth, not a Superman suit'. As in, those who lie in songs, essentially, record as if they're another person. They just step into the recording booth like Clark Kent does the phone booth and make themselves into Superman by inflating and manipulating their experiences. I say that I'm not Clark Kent or Superman inside or outside of the recording booth. 'The fog tint' of sunglasses is symbolic of fame and celebrity. You hear me on a record and presume more about me than you should. Though I'm thrust, somewhat, into a position of power by having my music broadcast through speakers for many to hear, I'm just Drew, not even Drew William, behind that recording. And I'm not claiming to be anybody else.

I can feel the envy, filled with empti-

-ness in my chest, not an S on my chest

But I still tell myself that I’m blessed with best

But yet, I can feel envy because people wish they could do what I do. And here I am in a position that makes me feel kind of empty because I'm subjected to criticism pertaining to my music when I'm just really trying to do something I love. This gets back to the point of vulnerability mentioned earlier. Allusions to Superman in saying that I don't have an S on my chest, I'm human. So that rejection takes it's toll on me like it would anyone else. But I have that unwavering self-belief. So through all of the negativity, I have to just keep telling myself that I'm blessed with talents that nobody else possesses. That's how you have to justify the confidence that's necessary to succeed sometimes. Unfounded confidence can be just as useful as founded. You can't understand exactly why you're better or more qualified than somebody else, you just have to believe that you've been blessed with something that sets you apart. This is also meant to be me focusing on my blessings and reminding myself of what I have. I have all of these other blessings, so I really have nothing to lose by failing. That's how I alleviate pressure many times, by saying that if it all falls down in a worst-case scenario, I'm still blessed and better-off than most.

So I’m chillin with chicks they European

How do you explain when nobody speak English?

How do you describe what nobody else seein?

How to realize what nobody else believes in?

  

This reflects my interest in traveling abroad and the things that I've learned from the 6 countries I've visited. The fact that I, often times, find women from other countries to be far more intriguing than women in the states. But the problem becomes that they have more of the traits you desire, but they don't understand you because you come from a different background. They simply will never understand your culture and values because the only way to understand is to experience it in your formative years. We're all a product of our environment and there's nothing we can do to change much of what makes us...us. And this is how I feel with my music. Like I'm the only one who truly understands it. So, it's like, how do I explain what I mean in my music when nobody else has lived my life. It's like we're speaking a different language. Further, how do I describe my vision to people who can't see it. As I said before, you can't make people see your vision. You can lay it out in front of them, but you have to allow them to perceive and understand it on their own. Finally, getting down to the true essence of what Fading Dreams is about, how do I realize my dreams when nobody else believe in them? I can't explain it to them and I can't show them because they can't see it. So how will it ever come to fruition? That's what every artists wonders during periods in which interest in and recognition for their music doesn't grow.

I got dashed hopes, with a sick scheme

With some big doubts, and some big dreams

See the conflict? That’s what this shit means

Therefore, I have this sick scheme that I believe to be fail-proof, but dashed hopes because I don't know how I'll ever make it work when nobody gets it. Then, the rhetorical question 'See the conflict?' As in, you ask why I feel so vulnerable and why I get discouraged despite my self-belief. It's because, in a lot of ways, we're all incapable of articulating our dreams and what we see for ourselves in the future to others. It's one of the most frustrating things I've experienced, akin to having your mouth covered in duct tape when you have all of the answers. Add to it that the negativity that I'm subjected to clashes with the positivity that I try to maintain. And that's ultimately why my dreams are fading. Because of that frustration and those clashing ideals. 

I embody the honesty that you wanted to

Tellin lies when it’s sittin right in front of you

I got mad drive, call it road rage

Rich in love, hoe. Bitch, I’m so paid

I say that you wish you had the honesty that I had. It's always easier for fake people to fabricate. And those are the same ones who hate and spout negativity because they haven't been able to do what you've done. So I've put factual evidence in front of you in the form of this song and album but you still deny the potential. And that only gives me more reason to work at it. To me, the solution to so many of life's problems is just to work harder. Whether that's effective because you actually produce a better product for others or prove to yourself that you won't give up and you've given everything you have, I'm not sure. But I don't really care why either. I just know that working harder even when I feel as though I'm working hard has led to success in so many of the endeavors I've undertaken in life. So I have this 'mad drive' in the sense that my drive is very strong. Taken in the literal sense, a mad driver has 'road rage'. That drive, coupled with the loved ones who have always and will always back me no matter what I do is what makes me unstoppable. Artists like to speak about how much money they have. I've taken that cliche sentiment and say that I'm rich also - but in terms of the value of the love that surrounds me. And that type of wealth is so much more valuable than any monetary possession.

Imperfection is perfect, failure is worth it

The purpose is standing alone on my own

Just so I can make you understand, I’m a man

To end, I summarize what the song and album are about to lead you into the rest of it. I'm not trying to be perfect. I'm not sitting here writing songs about how I have it all. Me creating the music has never been about becoming rich from it or attaining fame. It's about putting myself out there and taking a chance as a human to learn and become a stronger person doing something that many others would be afraid to pursue. So, to me, the fact that I'm imperfect and am honest about it is what makes me perfect to myself and those who enjoy my music. So, even if I fail, it'll all be worth it because I went for it in good faith. I say 'The purpose is standing alone on my own' to further exemplify the way in which I feel so vulnerable and alone putting myself out there and taking this chance. But those feelings are exactly how I know I'm doing something worthwhile and becoming a better person. And I'm doing it all 'Just so I can make you understand, I'm a man'. In one sense, I'm doing it for me to prove to myself that I can do it. In another, I'm doing this for those close to me to serve as inspiration for them to go after their dreams, no matter how unlikely they are. In yet another sense, I'm doing this to prove to listeners that artists can be real and genuine.

The First Quarter

It's been some time since we've spoken on a greater than 140 character-level. Therefore, a rundown of both MY thoughts and OUR future plans is in order. In true MBA form, I'll vow to create at least a quarterly report every three months to keep you all informed of where we're at. Now, to review our first quarter together...

November 6th marked the three-month anniversary of Barometer's release. I consider that date to be the day that I was officially born as an artist. For a few reasons. One, our recording and writing process up to that point had been so sporadic that I really never had the opportunity to find out who I was or what I was going to be as an artist. I'd estimate that the album averaged one writing/recording session every six months over a three-year period. I know the math doesn't jive with the album's 12-song count, but many of the album's songs came about just before the release, which I'll explain more in a bit. Two, August 6th was really the first time that we had done anything to promote Drew William. I mean, sure, we may have mentioned the songs I had recorded to friends in passing, but Barometer finally provided us with a tangible product to bring to the masses. Lastly, that date really, for the first time, marked my unwavering confidence that my brother and I could truly compete with anybody in the professional music industry.

Now, to the album. About 2/3 of it was done at least 9 months prior to release date. The final 4 songs were all done within 2 weeks of releasing. How wild is that? That includes Fading Dreams and Hot Shit being recorded 2 weeks in advance and Runaway and So Gone being just 6 days before album release. What's even crazier, as I alluded to earlier, is that I don't think we truly found our sound until those last 2 weeks of recording. That thought drives me each and every day. When you listen to the first song recorded, She Ride, and then listen to the last two recorded, Runaway and So Gone, there's such an undeniable evolution that occurred somewhere in that interim period. Don't get me wrong, I love She Ride and that song will always have a special place in my heart for being the first song I ever officially recorded and remembering the place I was at in life when I wrote it, but we're in a place now as artist and producer that's sonically unique. One thing I've noticed throughout the process of making Barometer is that the comparisons that I heard from people tapered off. When I first started, people used to tell me "Oh, that's good, you sound like ___." Anything from Fabolous to Fort Minor. Hearing that is always a compliment and a diss to me. It's like, oh, you're good enough to accurately bite them, but you're not unique enough to not sound like you're biting them. That's not our goal. What's funny is, I love both of those artists, but I wouldn't call them influences. Whenever a music site asks you who your influences are, I always just put artists that I like. Maybe those are one and the same, but I could never accurately describe who I'm influenced by in music because I don't strive to be influenced. I just take my experiences as an individual and do shit that I like. Maybe you can pick out where I got something from here or there. I don't know. But my taste in music has always been pretty eclectic since I was young. I mean, I grew up listening to, like, records of the Monkeys and shit with my parents. I'll never forget when I was little and ready for bed, my brother and I would always call into a radio station and request "Downtown" by Petula Clark. My favorite song growing up was "Two Faces" by Lou Christie. The first album I ever bought was Phil Collins "Both Sides of the Story." Then I got into the Def Jam era with Jay-Z, Method Man, Redman, DMX because it just embodied that rebellion that I was looking for as a teen. I always say that I think hip-hop is to my generation what rock-n-roll was to my parents'. That's why I always find it humorous that my parents' generation is baffled at us liking hip-hop. Look, we aren't trying to live out some of these actions that they're talking about, we're looking for a release. Just like you were once upon a time. A form of music that your parents' despise because we love to raise a middle finger to authority and have something that's all ours. I'll forever be indebted to hip-hop music for the way that it's made so many bonds with my friends that much tighter. Now, you know, I listen to Jay-Z, Kanye, Drake, all of that currently. But I'm also, like, enamored with the electro singer, Lights. Mayer Hawthorne's stuff has always put me in a unique place. And I love pop music - Katy Perry, Black Eyed Peas, all that shit. So to say that I'm not influenced by any of that is a blatant lie, but I also think that you can attribute what I say as much to the Monkeys as you can to Jay-Z. Getting back to the point, however...now, even though more people have heard my music than ever before, I haven't gotten any of those comparisons since the last leg of the album was recorded. That's a beautiful thing. That's how I know that we've begun to carve out our niche and create something that's sustainable. With that said, the ideation stage of the second project is underway and I will be sure to post updates as we move along.  

In closing, I just want to say that your support for the album has only reinforced my desire to move forward with the music. I think we have some great places yet to go. A huge thank you to my brother, The Therapist, who produced every god damn last track on the album. He makes up AT LEAST half of the team and if I didn't find inspiration in his music, I wouldn't be doing this anymore. Kristen Chase and Rob Chase, who pulled off a phenomenal photo shoot and album design in the 25th hour. Dan Middleton, who recorded and engineered the entire project - big part of our sound and evolution as well. I'll never forget the studio in Fort Wayne where the album was recorded. I won't go any further because the rest of the shout outs I'd like to make go to people who are invaluable and whose roles are undefinable. I hope the words I give to you in person are enough to express my gratitude for your support.


Drew

The Mental Pt. 2

(Verse 1)

Thoughts runnin' through my mind, Inception design 
I control time, create my own dreams 
Check the uniform, I'm with the road team 
That's the enemy, I do my own thing

These first 4 bars really serve to set the stage for the song as a whole, much like a thesis statement provides the purpose of an academic paper in the first paragraph - The confusion and back and forth that's going on in the individual's mind begins here. "Thoughts runnin' through my mind" is meant to be taken both figuratively and literally. Akin to the premise of the movie inception, I have all of these conflicting thoughts, but there's also a paranoia that an actual person is racing through my mind to plant an idea that's not mine. Then, in the second line, I quickly take back control, vowing to not let anyone else control my time, dreams, or thoughts. Then, being "with the road team" is a metaphor for being the underdog. Nobody thinks that I can take back control of my life and many people have grown to hate me for allowing temptations to become a part of it, as a result of success. But I say that "I do my own thing" as a way of saying that no matter how hated I am, I'm not here to convince people that they should like me, I'm here to do what I believe is best and to act in accordance with what is right and just. Using this metaphor really stemmed from my playing sports growing up. So much of my success in anything in life has been from having a chip on my shoulder and doing what people said that I could not. In that sense, I love the imagery that this line creates in walking into a basketball arena, where every fan is booing you, and knocking down the game winning shot. It's always seemed like sweet justice to me for others having hate for another individual.

Underdog, not supposed to succeed 
Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the plush things 
But more so educated, money's not a motivator 
Tell me how you stop me? Not influenced by how much I'm makin'

Here’s where it’s implied that I let some of the temptations of the “plush things” take over my life as I garnered success. But I dispel the opinion that those are important to me by saying that yes, I enjoy nice things, as they serve as a rewards and reminders of my hard work and what it's taken to get where I’m at. However, in reality, I’m driven entirely by just the opposite. If I lost everything material, it wouldn’t matter. So, it follows that, just like anything, a person who has nothing to lose is in an advantageous position in comparison to their competitors because there are suddenly no other considerations other than attaining the goal. And that’s what I’m saying here – I don’t give a fuck about money, I care about education, knowledge, and power, and I’m going to continue to gain those things at any cost. Just like the many powerful and frightening villains in stories who have lost everything, people can become animals, monsters. So, I say how are you gonna stop my talent and progression in this business when everyone else is doing it to make a living, but I’m doing it to do it and to become great at it.

The result’s a shift in paradigm 
But don't get it flipped, still with a pair of dimes 
They don't get it, I just did it for the opposite 
Tried to be a prophet, but somehow, I profited

So, now a paradigm shift has occurred, as a result of my assumptions about the world and what's right being altered, with my newfound attitude that I no longer care about the money, I only care about being great, the entire landscape of not only my world, but the world of music/hip-hop has shifted with my shift in thought and what I've decided to become. In the very next line, I shift back once again and tell you that it’s true, I’m not about the material things. but I’m also not trying to say that I’m a saint, because I still and will continue to hang out with beautiful women and enjoy life, all while doing the right thing. I think that it's important to have outlets and things that make you happy, to keep you sane and prevent you from becoming callous. In line 3, even though I’m acknowledging the truth of my previous statement, I make it clear that even though I enjoy those things, it wasn’t my intention that in gaining success I would gain all of these residual luxuries. I was just trying to be a free thinker, somebody that was innovative and who drives discussion forward (a prophet), but somehow, I just received more tangible accolades in the form of money and women than the intangible things I intended to capture – success, pride, a sense of accomplishment. This back and forth serves to confuse and show just how fucked up this individual’s perspective and thought process is at the moment.

Now the money is all here to breed hate 
And I just wanna give it back, rebate 
If I could have you in my arms, I'd be straight 
All the memories erased to have a clean slate

Despite my good intentions, now the money is all here and a vicious, perpetual cycle has begun. I have all of this money and recognition, and regardless of whether or not it’s real or sustainable, everybody has the perception that I have it all, which will breed jealousy, which breeds hate. So now, I just want to give it back because it’s not worth the trouble that comes with it all. Just like a rebate in which you receive money back, I want to give everything back for my original self and for a change back to the way things used to be. What follows is the introduction of another important part of the storyteller’s past – a woman whom he loves. This serves to imply that he had to give up this woman’s love in pursuit of his goals, and now that he’s obtained his goals, he is remorseful for ever putting them above the person that he cared most about. And he despises his once passion now, because it cost him his chance at love. This introduction of the woman’s role hits on two very interesting points. 1. Distinguishing between love and lust. Lust is often appealing, until we no longer have love. And when we have love, we don’t appreciate it. In all reality, it seems that there’s no perfect balance of the two. Some married couples are miserable because their relationship no longer has the passion and fire. Some just need change because they get uninterested or curious. But many single people are miserable as well because everyone has an intrinsic need for the affection a significant other can give them. There’s no perfect solution to this, which is why I often have a pessimistic view on marriage, though would never dispel the notion that I may one day get married. 2. The inevitable trade-off between having a healthy relationship and having a fulfilling life outside of it. This is something I’ve had trouble dealing with as I’ve gotten better and better jobs and now moved to pursue a master’s degree that will set me up on a great career path for the rest of my life. But at what cost? I can name myriad sacrifices I’m making simply to attend school – money, professional experience, happiness, familiarity, comfort, and most importantly, time with my loved ones, whether it be friends, family, or a girlfriend. I ask myself often if being away at school is worth it. But the point isn’t to decide whether or not it is, or ultimately will be, because I may never know. The point is to acknowledge this imperfect tradeoff that most of us have to make. In my case, it’s whether to stay close to loved ones to spend my life with them at a job that will never make me happy, or to move away and have a job that makes me happy, but only have the opportunity to see my loved ones 2 or 3 times a year.

(Chorus)

All alone now, I can feel it 
With every gift, a curse, it's no secret 
Pressure's on me, the pain deepens 
Make you question all that you believe in

So what do you believe in? 
Huh? Baby I believe in the mental 
Aw, I'm caught up in the mental 
Aw, I'm so lost in the mental

As I gain more and more success and material things, I become more and more alone. It’s this gift of being talented and the gifts in the form of luxuries that are proving to be unanticipated curses. Further, with more and more success comes more and more pressure to perform. If you set a high standard, you have to live up to it. But if your passion or desire to succeed waivers, what do you do? And so the pain deepens when you can’t live up to expectations as you’ve disappointed yourself and those depending on you, which turns into hate for what you couldn’t do and what you used to be able to do. And it’s that cycle, those relationships, that make you begin to question the ways of the world. In logic, the more successful you become and more good that you do for others, the easier things should become. But it’s quite the opposite, oftentimes, a la, "more money, more problems." It’s that realization that makes you jaded and begins to break you down, "question all that you believe in." This ends with being caught up in "the mental," or my own thoughts, both literally, like Inception, and figuratively. When you see things you don’t think are fair or right, like the illogical relationship I just stated, you begin to lose confidence in what you were taught growing up. This is the narrator succumbing to that realization and that pain that comes with it throughout the song.

(Verse 2)

I'm all caught in all the tumult and torment 
So now I'm just prayin' that the storm ends 
Damn, my tempest has a temper 
All the memories, I don't wanna remember

This is a representation of the conflict that I’m dealing with. I’m caught in the middle of a storm, conflicting desires, and I’m done taking intiative. Sometimes, the storm is so strong, that all you can do is let it pass, rather than fight back. Then, I say “my tempest has a temper.” This is meant to be open to interpretation. My tempest could be my internal struggle, it could be the woman I alluded to earlier, it could be karma, or it could be all of them tormenting me at the same time. Nonetheless, saying my tempest has a temper is meant to personify  the storm, to mean that not only is it ultra intense, but that it also seeks vengeance for my past actions, my penitence is not enough, it's taking a personal vendetta against me to make sure that I suffer. Finally, I say that I don’t want to remember. This is an allusion both back to the woman I was talking about earlier and me wanting to start over in general. Without acknowledging the lessons I’ve learned from the pain, I’m just willing to erase it all to escape the current suffering. This thought is kind of driven by the fact that it’s so easy for people to be unappreciative of what they have until the reaper is at their doorstep. I can specifically reference a few encounters in my life in which I had lost sight of my blessing and was then thrust into a crisis, and I can remember, literally, uncontrollably saying “Please, God, please don’t let this happen.” Those are the moments that we find our true character. This is an example of someone who’s willing to do anything, even erase all of the memories that got him to where he’s at now, in order to make the current pain stop. That’s not sacrifice, but it’s a natural inkling that we have as humans.

  

I set fire to the images, we were so intimate 
They burn, but no way I'm forgettin' 'em 
All along, I thought I was so disciplined 
But, the more you know, the quicker you stop listenin'

We now move onto burning the images. It’s said in a tangible sense of actually setting fire to the images, but it’s meant to mean that I’m setting fire to the memories in my head to get rid of them. Then, intimacy is an allusion to the woman, now jumping from thought to thought schizophrenically. They burn, but they aren’t forgotten. This brings the concept full-circle as it lets you know I’m now talking about memories I was trying to burn or forget in my head, not real pictures. These images are actually now burned into my memory, and so, setting them on fire does no good. They’re there forever. But there’s also a sense of revenge in my voice. When I say “no way I’m forgettin’ ‘em,” it’s almost like I’m speaking to those in my past that wronged me and are the source of those images and am going to use the memories as motivation. This is in line with the Drew William character, who has a chip on his shoulder. Then I say “all along, I thought I was so disciplined,” this alludes to how most of us walk blindly through life thinking that we’re doing the right thing, when in fact, we aren’t. As I mentioned earlier, one’s perception is their reality. Something, I’ve picked up from business school is just how important experiencing other perspectives are. This is a perfect example, having those perspectives allows you to assess yourself more objectively and accurately. But in this song, I’m all alone, and I thought I was disciplined doing the right things, but here I am at the end of the road and I made all of these mistakes, I became the person I didn’t want to become. And it’s all because of this natural inclination to stop listening when you think you know it all. That’s one of the reasons why knowledge is a dangerous thing. Because it, often times, breeds complacency. Once you’re dubbed an "expert" on something, it’s difficult to maintain your desire to learn, because you’re the “expert” so, what do you have to learn from other non-experts? This is so very relevant in anything from politics to academia.

The alcohol just serves as a conduit 
The pain's comin' through, I stop, I can't do it 
A couple blondes can calm the nerves through him 
Either love what you're doin, or it's love you're pursuin'

And so here now, another temptation enters. Alcohol. I say it serves as a conduit. It makes me start to reveal some of my pain publicly. There’s usually always pain behind the fame and fortune that’s held in with celebrities. This is the same thing. You begin to sense some relief here as Drew is finally letting it all out. That’s the best way to deal with pain - to confront it and be honest with it. Just like how when you cried when you were little and your mom would say “Just let it out.” But then, just when you think Drew’s going to make a breakthrough, he pulls back, puts his guard back up, and says that’s he’s not ready yet. He then goes back to the same temptations and vices that he’s needed all along to help him deal with this pain as “a couple blondes can calm the nerves through him.” He’s made some progress throughout the record, but isn’t quite ready to take the final step. Finally, the last line in this stanza may be my favorite line that I've ever written. I think it perfectly encompasses the argument that I alluded to earlier. Nearly all of us are forced to make a decision about pursuing our career or dreams in some capacity or something more pure and sustainable, like love. Whether that be the love of a woman, or love of family and friends. Very few people have both - think about the people in your life. This is the tradeoff I’ve yet to come to grips with. Am I supposed to make myself happy during the day by working in a career that I like, or make myself happy the rest of the time by being around the people I love. Everybody’s answer is different, and for me and many others, I don’t know that there’s a correct one.

  

Tried to get both, it was all for naught 
She left me all alone, on my own, I thought 
But with great understanding comes great responsibility 
Now look how my abilities are fuckin' with me mentally

So, I reveal now that what got me to my current predicament is that I wasn’t able to choose one or the other. I tried to pursue my career and dreams and maintain my relationship with the woman whom a cared about, but it didn’t matter, because it’s impossible. And so, because I couldn’t fully commit to her, she left me all alone and on my own. Or, so I thought. This is meant to be another glimmer of hope as I say this because it’s indicative of my realizing that it wasn’t completely for naught, because I gained strength through abandonment. She left me alone, but I’m beginning to see the positive in these trials, things weren’t as they initially appeared. But with this understanding and ability to process complexity, comes an increased pressure in coming to grips with just how fucked up the world is. And so, really, it’s my ability to understand complexity and the mental aptitude that allows me to do so that’s “fuckin’ with me.” Because the ability serves to make me great and successful and you would think that someone like me has it all figured out. But, in fact, I'm only more confused and tortured than I was growing up, when I didn't have anything of my own and didn't have the ability to be good at mental tasks. It's the old adage of ignorance is bliss. The people I blamed earlier are still the source, but this shows an understanding that I have the capability to not allow others to affect me. This sets a nice note to end on leading into verse 3. I’m beginning to understand and am poised to break through.

  

(Verse 3)

See, they can box me in, what, try to define me

All of us have a chance, a moment to redefine us

I'm on my way up, to stay up, I'm climbin'

This is my progression, you'd think that I designed it

That brings us to verse 3. I love this verse – the aggressiveness, the cadence, the meaning, everything. Right from the jump, I begin to tear away the shackles that have burdened me, you can hear it in my voice. I acknowledge that when you’re successful, you under a microscope and everybody tries to define you or box you in without knowing much about you in reality. I truly and honestly believe that there are no more than 3 or 4 people on this earth that really know what I'm about. A couple of friends, maybe, and then my brother and parents. But sometimes, I even question whether they really know what I'm about. But here are my motivational words – all of us have an opportunity, whether it’s a moment, several events, or the rest of our lifetime to redefine who we are. No matter what your past is, you’ll have a shot at redemption or truth, to let everyone know the true you. So this is my ascension, to stay up. I continue to climb, vowing never to stoop to the levels that I had previously. The way that I’m ascending, with ease and rapidity, you would think that I completely re-seized control of my dream that the others were controlling before. It’s such a great break through, in fact, that you would think that I am charting this path sans any constraints. I’ve, in a sense, woken up from the dream and rid myself of those who were in my head, both figuratively and literally, attempting to plant an idea.

They can plant the seeds of self-doubt

Make it rain to grow, but I make it a drought

From no appetite, they turned me into a glutton

Now I'm only gettin' stronger with age, Benjamin Button

More motivational words. They can plant the seeds of self-doubt, just like they plant an idea in the movie, and it manifests. Meaning, you’re always going to have those people trying to make you doubt yourself, it’s a condition you have to live with in order to succeed.  I then, parallel the next line to the expression “make it rain.” They plant the idea, much like you would an actual flower. This doubt then causes you to succumb to temptation, in this case, “making it rain” with money and being involved in the lifestyle. Giving into that temptation begins a downward spiral. So that’s how the act of “making it rain” figuratively makes the idea grow, just as real rain makes a flower grow. But then I say, I’m refusing to let that happen as I “make it a drought.” That means I’m no longer giving into temptation, no longer allowing the self-doubt that they planted to fester. The third line then circles back to what I alluded to earlier – when one’s back is against the wall and his/her only motivation is accomplishing the goal, not any tangible reward, that person becomes an animal, a monster, almost unstoppable. So this is to say, I didn’t have the appetite to continue to succeed, I had no reason to go after “it,” whatever “it” may be. But, as a result of the hating and the negativity, the critics turned me from someone who had no desire to eat, to someone who eats just for the sake of eating, a dominant force. And now that you turned me into an insatiable glutton, I’m only going to continue to get stronger, because I remember the memories and the words I heard. This is a turning point, as I'm using the same memories that caused me pain earlier, into a positive source of motivation. So, instead of growing old and losing steam, as time passes, I’m only getting smarter, more talented, and more hungry, aging in reverse, like Benjamin Button.  

  

At my heart strings they pull, I feel 'em tuggin'

Emotions to the side, sometimes I say "Fuck it"

My ethos are froze, I'm not budgin'

The high price of fame just doesn't fit my budget

I still have these emotions stemming from  the mistakes I made, the woman I lost, etc. that I still can feel and which are pulling at me. I use the word heart in many of my songs. That's because I think that it's the one thing that each person has that's pure and true. Even for a criminal, their mind could be in a different place. But no matter what action their undertaking, they know deep down in their heart that what they're doing isn't right, they just aren't able to channel that inkling. I think the heart encompasses, in many ways, our purpose in life, and if we're more in touch with it, than our mind, we'll do the right thing. And so, the concept translates well in each of my songs, whether I'm talking about love or anything else. But this is me putting the past behind me and saying that I’m not going to let those things affect me any more, I’m pushing them to the side. Sometimes in life, you have no reasoning to support your logic, but you just have to say “fuck it” to get past an obstacle or do something that needs to be done. I say “my ethos are froze” to indicate that even though I went through these experiences and made some poor choices, my values are now solidified in doing good, unable to be changed, regardless of what temptation or deterrence you throw in front of me, “I’m not budgin’.” For all of the luxuries that come with fame, I mean to say that the price is too high because of what you must sacrifice. My budget has an allowance of only so far that I can push my values before I consider something to be wrong or unjust, and fame pushes past that boundary, so I’m no longer pursuing it.

She left her scent to haunt me, her love assaults me

But now I see the feelings were faulty

Never again, I promise, my honesty is a part of me

I oughta be the shit, but this is just who I've gotta be

That brings us to the last hump I have to get over, the woman who left me. I still remember her scent as if she just left moments ago. She’s my temptress, my "tempest" that I mention earlier. It’s as if she’s still near, just taunting me by leaving her scent to be a constant reminder of the mistakes I made and the sacrifices I wasn’t willing to make. And so, in that way, her love, which I could have had, "assaults" or punishes me every day with the thought of what could have been.

But in the next line, I gain that strength and courage back as I realize that I just need to say “fuck it.” If I was meant to be with her, I would be, regardless of the circumstances. So, I acknowledge that my feelings for her were actually faulty and I never really loved her, that’s the true reason why I was never able to commit to her.  But then I say, “never again, I promise,” meaning, never will I ever again lie and convince myself that I have feelings for a woman when I know deep down that I don’t. I was longing for nothing, in reality. And so, “my honesty is a part of me.” Another reference to staying true to my values and indicating that I have to be true and honest with myself before anyone else. Finally, I say “I oughta be the shit, but this is just who I’ve gotta be.” This serves to indicate that I’ve gained or have the potential to gain success and fortune and people see me and think that I’m “the shit” and have a great life, without knowing the pain and memories that I bear. I’m just like any other person. So I finally break and say, regardless of what everyone thinks, regardless of what’s cool, popular, regardless of what expectations accompany my reputation, I have to be true to myself. That last line is meant to be the take-away from this song. It gives you Drew William dealing with many of the same doubts that every one of us deal with on a continuous basis. He’s emotional, he’s confused, he’s questioning, even though he’s the one behind the microphone that, presumably, lives the life of an entertainer. But he’s just like everyone else. And he arrives at peace with his mistakes by realizing that he can atone for them and learn from the past to be the man who he wants to become, rather than allowing the past to define him.

The Mental

For my first real entry, I'm going to dissect my recently released song "The Mental."  To provide some background...like every other song on this page, the track was produced by my brother - The Therapist. And that's blood brother for those who don't know. To me, this song is undoubtedly the most introspective of any I've ever written. The subject matter is deep, emotional, and complex and it really reflects my current outlook on life and some of my recent experiences.

It's told from the perspective of an individual who's lost in many ways. His thought process is almost schizophrenic in the way that he jumps from thought to thought and emotion to emotion. The subject matter is meant to be complex and difficult to navigate through as it's a representation of the pain and confusion that I feel sometimes. However, the listener is rewarded for his/her sticking around through the frustration by the breakthrough I have at the end in which I finally shed the shackles.

What this song is ultimately about is the constant conflict we experience as humans, and the ways in which that conflict intensifies as we become more successful. I then attempt to weave in some of the associated sacrifices we are forced to make on a continuous basis. There are underlying tones of greed, love, lust, pain, uncertainty, and ambition, among others.

I think my brother did a phenomenal job in creating this track and it really plays off of my concept in its repeating, harmonious chords that really surround the listener and make him/her feel confused and almost disoriented, with lack of direction. One of the influences for the concept was the movie "Inception." I've always felt like I've been my own worst enemy in over-analyzing situations and becoming so aware of my surroundings that it's become a fault. And so, the movie really hit home with me, because it was a perfect communication of the very real principal that perception is reality. This is one place where I've integrated some of my inspiration drawn from business as an MBA candidate in my increasing awareness of what distinguishes perception from reality through my marketing studies. But, you know, it's human nature to believe our perceptions, and that's where we run into the self-destructive behavior that keeps us from being our best selves.

And so, this song is told from my perspective as someone who, as I get older and understand more complexity, is only becoming more jaded about how fucked up the world and the people in it really are. But, a positive to having that understanding is that it's proven to be unbelievably motivating in wanting to be unlike what I've seen, and to be a genuinely good and selfless person. And that's what I really want to shine through in the story is that we have this man who's dealing with all of these things and, admittedly, isn't perfect, but has a pure heart and wants to do good. So, at the end, I ultimately deal with the pressures in my own way. But really, it's a never-ending battle with ourselves that we can lead, but never win.

Welcome

Hello, world!

I certainly appreciate you visiting my site and my blog, whether it be out of support or just curiosity.  I'd like for the blog to serve two principal purposes: 1. To learn about me as an artist 2. To learn about me as a person. I hope to accomplish these objectives by writing about anything from the meaning behind my songs and lyrics to happenings in the world and my perspective.

I've always made an effort to understand my favorite artists as people, beyond musicians.  Reason being, I've found that by doing so, I'm able to more thoroughly understand the "why" of the decisions they make in subject matter, lyrics, cadence, presentation, etc. I also think that what, many times, gets lost in the minds of listeners is that the artist and the person are two different people.  This is especially the case in hip-hop and with many of the strong pop personalities as well.  I've gained an increased understanding of this through studying other artists and experiencing life as an artist myself. In fact, Jay-Z describes the distinction exceptionally well in his new book Decoded.

For those who know Jay-Z from afar, I think so many view his talent, even after acknowledging him as one of the very best rappers of all time, as marginal.  To me, that's just a product of personal preference and preconceptions about rapping. Many view it as being a less-skilled art than, say, the song writing that a Taylor Swift might do.  Those people haven't attempted to write a hip-hop song or rap, I assure you.  But my point in all this is to say that by solely knowing the artist, Jay-Z, and not the person, Sean Carter, I can understand from a certain perspective why non-hip-hop fans might think that it doesn't take much to succeed in.

However, if you know anything about Sean Carter, the man behind the artist, you know just how well-rounded and skilled he is.  He is truly a world-class mind, not just in comparison to other rappers or musicians.  For example, he was reading at something like a 12th grade level in the 5th grade.  And it's no coincidence that he's developed into an extremely astute businessman.  He has superb decision-making skills, instincts, and charisma.  He's calculating and sharp and the CEO of any company in the world would be thrilled to have his ability to communicate.  But only by knowing that side of the man do I believe that one can truly appreciate the character he's developed in Jay-Z.  To me, there's no other way to describe it than sheer brilliance.

With that, my only hope with this blog is that I'm able to establish the link between Drew, the man, and Drew William, the artist.  Once you have that understanding, you'll understand what the creative content on this page means and why I do what I do.


Cheers!
Drew